Sunday, 14 April 2013

Positivity, Unity, Honesty and Truth

When I started blogging 6 months ago it all seemed very daunting. I jumped in feet first with Sophia’s Choice having a definite focus for this blog and knowing what it was about and where I saw everything leading, but with The Mad Mummy Musings, it’s all been a little more random and is slowly evolving with time.

It has begun during a sad and difficult time for us as a family but that doesn't mean it won’t be positive or uplifting. Despite all life throws at us, I’m a great believer in finding the positive and the good in every situation. No matter how bad life gets there is always someone else out there worse off than us. My Mum always reminded me of this when I was young and frustrated with life at school, friendships and things that just weren't going to plan. She’d try to make me understand that yes, life can be tough and sometimes downright unfair, but there is always a positive to be found and there will always be someone somewhere struggling more than me. It helped put some perspective on things. That doesn't mean that we shouldn't allow ourselves the time to wallow, grieve, cry, shout, feel let down; what it means for me is that we need to find what we have in our lives right now that we can be truly thankful for and feel blessed about. I think this changes our focus from the negativity of a situation to something more positive. It can be as simple as a hug from our child, or partner, it can be that we have our health, the sun is shining, we are able to smell the freshly mown grass. All things that many of us take for granted but that others maybe aren't able to experience for whatever reason.

Photo Credit: Shutterstock

With this in mind I've found myself drawn more and more to certain blogs and Facebook pages out there that somehow reflect that feeling. I look for truth, honesty and depth. I find it uplifting and a great help to read that I haven’t been alone in my PND journey or that I’m not the only one to have lost someone close to me to heaven. I find strength from reading blogs that allow me to feel that the job I’m doing as a Mum right now is good enough and that there are others like me who struggle too but are honest enough to admit that they also get it wrong and that’s OK. Despite what we may display on our blogs, none of us are perfect and we ALL get it wrong sometimes. Perfection doesn't exist.

There seems to be a wave of Mummy wars going on out there that if I’m honest scares me. I can’t comprehend the animosity and judgement that exists within a community of women who you would think would support each other. It’s fair to say that it can get downright nasty out there, particularly on Facebook pages. We all have differing ideas of what constitutes good parenting, but does that give us the right to judge others quite so harshly. I’m not sure it does.

One thing I learnt whilst living in France was that people would often make up their own minds as to what was happening in our lives either through observing our situation or by talking to third parties. The information they gleaned therefore was often distorted and at times dangerously inaccurate and untrue. It caused us no end of grief and sadness to be misunderstood in this way. We can all perceive and judge someone else’s situation and their decisions from the safety of our own ivory towers, but unless we have the full facts and the bigger picture of that person’s situation and journey we should be very mindful of diving in there with our blinkered judgement, don’t you think?

That’s why now I've been blogging for a bit and reading other people’s blogs too, I’m much more mindful of what I choose to read. I want to learn more about how I can grow as a parent but without feeling judged. I want to be challenged in my thinking so that I look outside of the box and see that there is often another way. I want to be inspired to not give up on the job I’m doing but to keep being the best Mum I can be despite what life may throw my way. I want to know that I’m not alone and that I have other women out there like me who choose to walk with me hand in hand, helping each other along this challenging, ever changing, and evolving journey.

I don’t want to fight with you about whether my parenting values are better than yours. But I do want to share with you that no matter what life throws our way, we can still be the best parents possible to our children. Our intention is everything. We may get it wrong on a regular basis, we may make ill informed choices at times, but if our intention is to be better today than we were yesterday, then that’s good enough for me and I believe it may be enough for you too.

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If you like what you read and would like to follow The Mad Mummy Musings you can subscribe to new posts by choosing your preferred method, you can also follow me on Twitter or catch up with what’s happening on Facebook too. I’d love to connect with you. Until next time xx


12 comments:

  1. A very thoughtful post. I have to say that I've encountered nothing but support from the online community but maybe I've just been lucky enough to not be around when there's been nastiness going on.

    As a mother, I feel it's important to share the good and the bad on my blog. I talk of wonderful times but also of times when I just feel rubbish. I think it's more real and also more helpful that way.

    Hope you have a lovely day,

    Rachel x

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    1. Hi Rachel - Thanks for your lovely comment xx Like you I've only encountered positive support particularly from the blogging community. However, there does seem to be a bit of "them and us" out there at times that can get quite nasty. I only observe and don't get involved. I just think unless you have all the facts about a person's situation it's impossible to make valid judgements. Just an observation on my part xx Thanks for stopping by and have a great weekend xx

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  2. a very thoughtful post, I agree with you about trying to do your best and looking on the positiveside of thing, support should be given een if you hold an opposing view of someone x

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    1. Hi Sarah - Thanks for for your comments. I agree that we should support each other even if we have opposing views. We can learn so much from each other. I think the "Mummy Wars" part probably refers more to some of the FB pages I read. They is such a variety of parenting styles out there and it seems to generate heated debate that can become real nastiness. I think it's sad but I suppose to some degree it's part of human nature. Take care x

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  3. I love your honesty. I think it's really sad that women act like that with each other, we all have different parenting techniques because our kids are different and no one method will suit every child. I would never say how I deal with things is the only way to do it, it's awful that some people do that. You are so right we should be helping each other not criticising.
    I'm looking forward to reading more of your posts :-D

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    1. Hi Lous Lake Views xx thanks for stopping by and thanks for your lovely comment. Like everyone I have my own parenting style that works for the girls and even that has to be tweaked for my youngest. I think we can all learn so much from each other. i love it when my thinking is challenged sometimes and I'm made to think "outside the box". And by sharing I believe we all grow as people and as parents xx

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  4. I nearly wrote a post very similar to this recently myself. I have found that some of the Mum bloggers out there are quite judgmental BUT I am glad to say that they are certainly in the minority. On the whole the blogging community is a very wonderful, very supportive one. We have all had our crosses to bear and things to cope with and I think we are all there to support each other and see each other through the hard times. Thank you for being the newbie showcase this weekend and for all your support to me and my blog. I really appreciate it xx

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    1. Hello Lovely. I suppose theirs always that minority but like you I have found a lot of love out their too. The more blogs I read the more I realise that being able to write and to share is very therapeutic for many of us. They are loads of us out there who have had a bumpy parenting journey but we've all come through to the other side. It's very empowering xx Thanks for having me on your blog - it means a lot xx

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  5. Great blog - we can learn so much more from sharing view rather than from silly spats. Love the positivity in your blog :-) #PoCoLo

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    1. Hi Blue Beret Mum - Glad you are enjoying it xx So agree with you. Life's too short to be arguing with each other. We all need to trust that we are all doing a good job whatever our circumstances. So pleased you feel positivity in my blog - that means a lot to me, thank you xx

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  6. I really loved this post, you speak with such depth of emotion and I couldn't agree with you more. Keep up the good work or parenting as best you can and yes, it's so important to be mindful of what we are reading. x

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    1. Thank you Suzanne x I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve which can get me into trouble at times, but for me life is about emotion and lots of it. I'd rather really "feel" life & be vulnerable than live the facade. I'm a great believer too that like attracts like so being mindful about what we bring into our lives is really important. I follow your blog so it's lovely to see you here too xx Thanks for stopping by xx

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