It has begun during a sad and difficult time for us as a family but that doesn't mean it won’t be positive or uplifting. Despite all life throws at us, I’m a great believer in finding the positive and the good in every situation. No matter how bad life gets there is always someone else out there worse off than us. My Mum always reminded me of this when I was young and frustrated with life at school, friendships and things that just weren't going to plan. She’d try to make me understand that yes, life can be tough and sometimes downright unfair, but there is always a positive to be found and there will always be someone somewhere struggling more than me. It helped put some perspective on things. That doesn't mean that we shouldn't allow ourselves the time to wallow, grieve, cry, shout, feel let down; what it means for me is that we need to find what we have in our lives right now that we can be truly thankful for and feel blessed about. I think this changes our focus from the negativity of a situation to something more positive. It can be as simple as a hug from our child, or partner, it can be that we have our health, the sun is shining, we are able to smell the freshly mown grass. All things that many of us take for granted but that others maybe aren't able to experience for whatever reason.
|Photo Credit: Shutterstock|
With this in mind I've found myself drawn more and more to certain blogs and Facebook pages out there that somehow reflect that feeling. I look for truth, honesty and depth. I find it uplifting and a great help to read that I haven’t been alone in my PND journey or that I’m not the only one to have lost someone close to me to heaven. I find strength from reading blogs that allow me to feel that the job I’m doing as a Mum right now is good enough and that there are others like me who struggle too but are honest enough to admit that they also get it wrong and that’s OK. Despite what we may display on our blogs, none of us are perfect and we ALL get it wrong sometimes. Perfection doesn't exist.
There seems to be a wave of Mummy wars going on out there that if I’m honest scares me. I can’t comprehend the animosity and judgement that exists within a community of women who you would think would support each other. It’s fair to say that it can get downright nasty out there, particularly on Facebook pages. We all have differing ideas of what constitutes good parenting, but does that give us the right to judge others quite so harshly. I’m not sure it does.
One thing I learnt whilst living in France was that people would often make up their own minds as to what was happening in our lives either through observing our situation or by talking to third parties. The information they gleaned therefore was often distorted and at times dangerously inaccurate and untrue. It caused us no end of grief and sadness to be misunderstood in this way. We can all perceive and judge someone else’s situation and their decisions from the safety of our own ivory towers, but unless we have the full facts and the bigger picture of that person’s situation and journey we should be very mindful of diving in there with our blinkered judgement, don’t you think?
That’s why now I've been blogging for a bit and reading other people’s blogs too, I’m much more mindful of what I choose to read. I want to learn more about how I can grow as a parent but without feeling judged. I want to be challenged in my thinking so that I look outside of the box and see that there is often another way. I want to be inspired to not give up on the job I’m doing but to keep being the best Mum I can be despite what life may throw my way. I want to know that I’m not alone and that I have other women out there like me who choose to walk with me hand in hand, helping each other along this challenging, ever changing, and evolving journey.
I don’t want to fight with you about whether my parenting values are better than yours. But I do want to share with you that no matter what life throws our way, we can still be the best parents possible to our children. Our intention is everything. We may get it wrong on a regular basis, we may make ill informed choices at times, but if our intention is to be better today than we were yesterday, then that’s good enough for me and I believe it may be enough for you too.
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