This
is going to be one of those posts which has no purpose and probably ends up
being a load of drivel but you know something, I don’t care. I’m sat in our
caravan and things are peaceful. There’s no WW3 taking place between the girls
or for that matter between hubby and I, and I’m actually enjoying sitting here
tapping on my keyboard with no need for purpose or intent. It feels rather liberating.
We’re
currently holidaying with the girls in Cornwall. We’ve stayed here 3 years running
and love coming back. This time Tink is 2½ and this makes things easier in one
way but still a challenge in another. I’m finally resigning myself to the fact
that with children the phases don’t get easier per se, they just change.
Our
first trip in our caravan was when Tink was just 4 months old ! When I look
back now, I’m not sure how we coped but we did. We actually went away in the
caravan that year about 5 times mainly visiting my Mum whilst she was in
hospital not long before she passed away. It was the only way we could afford
to get up to see her and somehow the adventure of being in a caravan helped
make it semi exciting for Belle.
We
made up a make shift cot for Tink to sleep in, got into a rhythm with
everything and I have to say that we probably had some of the best sleeps on
those trips away than we had at any other point in Tink’s first year,
particularly as like Belle she wasn’t a good sleeper.
On
this holiday though, the cot has been dismantled and the girls can now enjoy
this section as a table and chairs to draw and play at again. Tink has taken
her new place in the bottom bunk and after almost 4 days we are finally finding
a new rhythm again here in Cornwall.
I have
lots of memories of Mum here. I spent most days the first time we stayed talking to her on the phone whilst she went through her chemo sessions. I would
often talk to her whilst sat in the laundry room waiting for the never ending
washing babies seem to create whirring around the machine. I’d look out to the
play park and watch hubby and the girls playing (little Tink in her sling or
her pushchair) and wish so hard that I could make my Mum’s cancer disappear.
The memories are bitter sweet but somehow I feel close to her here. It’s
as if that time has left an essence of her and so it feels good to return.
Today
we went down to the beach and it always amazes me how healing I find the sea.
It is such an awesome power and force yet it can be so calming and transforming
all at the same time. If I’m pent up with frustrations, all I need to do is
spend an hour near the sea and somehow those emotions release and are soothed
away by the ebb and flow of watching the sea do her thing.
We
are here for 2 weeks with very few, if any plans. It feels great to know that if
we want to we can just go to the beach each afternoon with the girls and help
them build sand castles and splash about in the sea. The sun has blessed us
with her presence each day so far and it would appear she’s scheduled for a few
more days yet. Let’s hope so.
I
hadn’t realised how much we needed this break away until we arrived here a few
days ago. Life can pick up speed so much if you let it can’t it, and it’s only
when you come away from the usual day to day stuff do you truly realise how
important it is to slow down and recharge again. I won’t say relax because with
small children in tow that word doesn’t really feature on the radar, but
recharge is something we can do and I’m planning on making sure that I come
back home full to the brim with lots more positive energy again.
I’m
looking forward to using this time away to work out how I want to move forward
with my writing and other work opportunities. It’s an exciting time but often
everyday stuff particularly with small children, can stop the creative juices
from flowing freely. So whilst I’m away I’m going to pick up this laptop when
the urge takes me and just write, because you know I may actually write some of
my best stuff yet, or perhaps like this post, it may just end up being pointless
drivel.
********
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