Monday 31 December 2012

Reflecting on a Rollercoaster Year of Emotions, Opportunities, and Moving House - Twice!

It seems strange to be blogging about the past year when you’ve only really been at it for a couple of months ‘The Mad Mummy Musings’ is very new indeed, but I think it’s important I do, if not for my own personal growth but also as something to look back on in another year’s time.

As you will be well aware by now if you’ve been reading my musings, I lost my Mum to lung cancer last September so as a family unit we began 2012 bruised, still in grief and confused as to how to move forward and make it all better again. It was one of those situations where placing a bandage over the wound wasn’t going to make it better or make it disappear. There are some things in life you just have to accept and try to move on from.

Mum & I on a girly holiday
It was evident that my eldest daughter wasn’t coping well and I myself just couldn’t allow myself the space to grieve as the girls needed me. My youngest was only a year old and I’ve found that the first 2 years of a little one’s life is the hardest for parents. They change daily, weekly, monthly. They have a great need for one-on-one care so throwing in a very emotionally needy 6 year old and a Mum who is desperate to grieve the loss of her own Mum but can’t, makes for a highly emotive situation.

I decided early in the year to focus on my eldest daughter and she had sessions in “Play Therapy” which allow a child to work through their feelings and experiences through play. She had several sessions and they were a life saver. I just couldn’t give her all the emotional support she needed so this allowed her space to focus on her feelings and work things out for herself in addition to my input. It comes highly recommended. As we are heading into 2013, she has once again begun to return to the little girl she was. This has relieved the pressure of an exceptional weight I’ve carried around with me for the majority of this year.

As the year has progressed, we have had to endure those “firsts” when someone close in your life disappears; my Mum’s Wedding Anniversary, my 1st Mother’s Day without her, my 40th Birthday, the 1st Anniversary of Mum’s death, what would have been her 70th Birthday (we always planned to celebrate “big” in 2012 as we had our important birthdays together in the same year) and then a second Christmas without her warm, loving presence. But now we have done that, and it will, I’m sure, make it easier as we move forward to 2013.

My 40th Birthday was a high point in 2012 and I made sure I celebrated it in style with those I loved around me. You realise that despite your loss there are many in your life who can help you pick up the pieces and re-make the puzzle. The whole thing made me reflect over the past 7 years and by the time I’d reached October and my mother’s birthday, I decided that it was time to move on. I finally took the plunge after completing a short story course to start writing. Sophia’s Choice blog was first to be created and I’m really looking forward to making something of this in 2013. My hopes are it won’t just remain a blog but will become the website I envisioned it to be long ago.

Whilst I began to plough my energies into Sophia’s Choice I also plunged head first into the world of Twitter. Twitter has always daunted me but I knew I had to get involved particularly with the blog etc. This made me tweet a little more on my personal account too and one evening whilst I was messing around I had a message from author, Charlie Plunkett, asking if I’d like to contribute to her new book, “100 Little Words on Parenthood”. Well, to say I nearly fell off my chair was an understatement. Me write for someone else who is already established? Well, um, yes ok then! So I emailed across some possible 100 words extracts and Charlie asked to include them all and bless her, complimented me on my writing style. Now for anyone out there who’s either not a writer or who has passed this very early stage, it probably means nothing. But for me this was bit stuff. This was a boost to my confidence and it spurred me on to finally think hard about writing the book that’s been in my head for a long time now. Also, it’s something to add to a portfolio – only small but still, perfectly formed. The book is now out on Kindle. Click here to take a look.

Our last upheaval of 2012 was to move house not once, but twice! Yes, the word “Nutter” springs to mind here. However, it wasn’t planned that way. When you rent, as we presently do, you are often at the hands of your Landlord and everything went pear-shaped. We had to move again after just 11 weeks from our initial move, and this was yet another test to our resolve as a family. However, we're now in our newest home, happy and feeling more settled by the day. In the greater scheme of things, it’s actually for the best so the Universe had a plan all along. Either that or my Mum was working her magic to make things right for us once again J

The girls and their Daddy on the Beach 

As I write this my youngest is celebrating her 2nd Birthday today. The time has passed lightening fast and if I’m honest in a bit of a blur. But I know that from this point on it gets easier. The tiny one is more independent now, the bigger one is more settled again, and I can now focus on getting myself back on track both emotionally and with my new ventures. I can finally begin to nourish both myself and my family again.

So it’s with a lighter, happier heart that I enter into 2013. I’m truly excited about what it will bring us all and particularly how things will develop with my writing and the blogs. If you’re reading this newest extract, “Thank you” for taking the time to do so. It means a lot and I hope to bring you lots more in the coming year.

Whatever you are doing this evening, whether it be a quiet night in or “raving” with the best of them, may I wish you and yours a Happy, Abundant, Healthy 2013 filled with love, many new opportunities and oodles of laughter. Here’s to a good one !


  1. Hi there - came across from your 'follow' on Twitter. Thank you! Nice to find your blog. This post was really moving - I so identify where you are coming from with getting through those 'firsts' after losing someone dear. I remember it clearly even though it was ten years ago for me. Although my latest book was about education, (A Funny Kind of Education. found it was very much a serenade to my mum too as she figured so big in our life and I wrote about our loss in there - and moving house! The thing that healed it most, I think, was having the children there whose developing lives became more important than the one left behind! Sending you blessings and may it ease for you soon, best wishes. x

    1. Hi Ross - Thank you so much for this beautiful comment and connecting. It brought tears to my eyes to know that someone knows how I'm feeling and cares enough to share. Thank you for that. I know it gets easier with time and sometimes having the girls so small is a blessing and a hurdle dependent on my needs at the time. I just feel blessed that she was my Mum and I had the time I did with her. Lovely to connect with you and I'll be popping across to your blog too. I'm intrigued by your book also, as I love the idea of home schooling but know I just couldn't manage it myself. With love x


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