When last here I was juicing my way back to health and in the end lost a total of 8lbs in weight and felt pretty damn good afterwards. I’d forgotten how much my mood lifts after this juice detox. When I did it a couple of years ago I felt fabulous and this time despite the withdrawal symptoms and feeling wiped out for about 48 hours, I finished feeling better than ever. It’s about keeping that momentum going now.
Mum’s absence in my life has felt stronger in recent months. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m more settled again now after our two unexpected house moves or just because 16 months has elapsed since her passing. I suppose life moves on and we are so used to sharing the ups and the downs with people close to us, that when they’re no longer there, that feeling of not being able to share grows stronger and stronger. My youngest is now 2 and her development is happening in leaps and bounds. I know Mum would have truly adored her.
Last year I wanted to run the “Race for Life” in her honour but somehow still felt too bruised to even contemplate it, however, this year I’m feeling more focussed and strong, so I’ve done it. Last night I finally got online and entered my local race. I’ve also booked myself onto a 10 week running course which should have me running 5K by the end of it. At 40, I’m well aware that I need to stay fit particularly for the girls and life has got in the way over the past few years in maintaining that fitness, so this is a good excuse to dive back in and get myself on tip top form again.
I’m feeling somewhat daunted by it all. At this time I’m doing it on my own; no friends joining me just yet, but hey that may change. What’s most important is that I’m doing this for Mum, in honour of what she brought to my life, what she taught me and the legacy that she leaves behind in myself and her 2 beautiful granddaughters.
Life in general is feeling a lot brighter and lighter again these days. There’s still work to be done but my heart is healing again and that feels good. I’m now keen to share with you more about my mothering journey so far. It’s not been as I expected it to be and one of the things I’ll be sharing is my journey out of PND. It’s something as a new mother that you never really expect to suffer from but when you do it’s fair to say that your whole world and those you hold dear crumbles around you. Life is never ever the same again. Like so many of life’s twists and turns, it’s impact is felt strongly and etched in the memories of time. You are changed forever, never able to return from whence you came. But having said that it has helped to make me the person and the Mum I am today, right now. And for that I must still remain thankful. Until next time x